I’m sure you’re familiar with the quote, “Comparison is the thief of joy” by Theodore Roosevelt. As good and popular as it is, I’m still partial to Rachel Hollis’s version.
“Comparison is the death of all joy. The only person you need to be better than is the woman you were yesterday.” -Rachel Hollis
Comparison doesn’t just steal your joy it completely kills it. Think about it! How many times have you set a goal and just a few days into it you start comparing yourself to the mystery woman you follow on social media or the moms in your inner circle.
“Her body shape is more attractive than mine.”
“She looks flawless in front of the camera while I look like a complete hot mess.”
“She is a better mom and wife than I am.”
“I wish I had her life.”
“Her website is more professional looking than mine.”
“She found success in her business so much faster than me.”
“There’s no way I could be as successful as she is.”
Now how many times have you had these thoughts and walked away feeling motivated, inspired or at the least a tad happy? Yeah not that often or if we’re being honest, never.
Every time these thoughts run through your head you’re essentially taking a huge mountain and placing it directly between you and your goal. Sure, you can get passed it, it’s just going to be a heck of a lot harder.
When you allow yourself to compare your journey to someone else’s in a negative and demeaning way, you are allowing depression, intimidation, fear, and self-hatred, to creep in. The more you do this, the more junk you’re allowing in your life and the larger your mountain becomes. We as women and moms have got to knock this off.
Not too long ago this was me. I would compare my whole life to those I followed on social media. I’d scroll through Instagram and instantly be jealous of everyone who was successful in their business and envious of those who got to take family vacations without a care in the world.
There was a time where every day I would scroll through my social media feeds and leave feeling like a horrible mom and person. During my scroll I would tell myself things like;
You need to be more like her.
You need to work out more like her.
You need to put yourself together more often like her.
You need to read to your kids more like her.
You need to spend more time with your family like her.
You need to love Jesus more like her.
You need to be nicer to your kids like her.
You need to be a better wife like her.
You need to cook healthier meals for your family like her.
You need to help provide for your family like her.
On and on and on this went for weeks. Until one day I decided to start loving myself. My completely, imperfect, mess of a mom and woman self. Enough was enough. I was sick of feeling depressed and constantly trying to strive to be someone else. I chose to stop comparing myself to all these other women and instead I started embracing who God made me to be. ME. JUST ME!
WHY DO WOMEN DO THIS?
I believe women tend to do this more often because we naturally want to be and do better in life. Yes, men too, but my focus is us women. In the same moment we see who we are and the person we want to be. Our stumbling block is when we find or see someone who is at the place or achieving the thing in life we so desire, we start to compare and degrade ourselves in the process. This KILLS our joy.
We have got to stop this never-ending cycle or our dreams and goals in life will remain just that, dreams and goals.
STOP FOLLOWING THOSE YOU COMPARE YOURSELF TO
If you’re on a weight loose journey and you know seeing a woman who is in shape and perfectly toned makes you feel depressed and miserable then stop looking at their posts. Better yet unfollow them on all social media platforms.
START SEEING IT AS INSPIRATION
Having a mind shift from seeing something and instantly wanting to compare yourself to it, to seeing it as inspiration and motivation to keep going after your dreams can take time and some practice. Start by imagining yourself in their shoes. See yourself 30 pounds lighter. See yourself with a successful business. See yourself as the author holding your newly released book. Whatever it is put yourself in their shoes and let it inspire you. See their success as inspiration that one day, with hard work and dedication, you can get there too.
If this is too hard for you in the beginning, then focus on yourself and unfollow or ignore those you continually compare yourself with.
RELIZE SOMEONES MIDDLE OR END CAN’T BE YOUR BEGINNING
If my goal is to lose 50 pounds, I can’t compare myself to the perfectly skinny person who already shed her 50 pounds. You are comparing apples to oranges my darling. They are COMPLETELY different.
Your beginning will never look like someone’s end or even their middle. First off, you don’t know their back story. You don’t know if they struggled or came into countless road blocks on their journey. You don’t know if they cried themselves to sleep many nights because they gained a pound that week instead of losing any. You. Don’t. Know.
Second, is the fact that you are trying to compare someone’s journey full of hard work and dedication to your journey after only a few short steps. Sorry pumpkin, but once again it’s apples and oranges.
STOP IT IN IT’S TRACKS
When you find yourself comparing your life, season, or body to others stop it in its tracks by saying 4 motivational things about yourself.
- My journey is uniquely beautiful.
- I’m dedicated to my goals and dreams.
- I believe in myself and I will not give up.
- One day I will look back and be immeasurably proud on how far I have come.
Every single woman has their own uniquely beautiful story and it’s time to start embracing it. You have to stop trying to make your life fit into this picture-perfect design you have in your head and start embracing who you were made to be. It’s ok to want to be in a different season in life, be a little thinner, or to be a better person in general. Just stop comparing yourself to those who have already achieved your goals. Instead let it motivate you to keep striving every day to see your dreams become your reality.
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