Do you ever find yourself, and your spouse, just going about your day to day lives only to realize it’s been 2 months (or longer) since your last date night, 2 weeks (or longer) since you’ve had sex, and God knows how long since you’ve both sat down and had a meaningful conversation together?
Yeah, I’ve been there too. As mom’s we get so swept up in our day to day lives, that our most important relationships get pushed to the back burner. Instead of remembering that before kids we had a husband and before that a relationship with God.
Unfortunately, we tend to work backwards with the whole relationship thing. We focus on our kids first instead of our relationship with God and our marriage. When in reality those relationships need to come first.
I like to compare it to a river flowing downstream. Think of the water as all things good, positive, and uplifting in your life. At the top of the river you have God. Then in the middle is your husband, and at the bottom are your children.
Now say life has gotten in the way and you haven’t spent any time with God lately. Well as you can imagine that beautiful river isn’t flowing very well anymore. If you need a visual just imagine a beaver coming along and building a damn right smack dab at the top of your river. What does that do? Yep, you guessed it. It stops all water (good, positive, and uplifting stuff) from reaching the rest of the stream. (AKA your spouse and children.)
It’s in those times we seek God that he reveals to us more and more of his heart, compassion, love, and desires for our lives. When we get these little nuggets of knowledge from Jesus it naturally will affect the relationships around us, in a good way.
Another side bonus is that Jesus can take those special intimate times with Him to renew and strengthen you in the darkest of times. I don’t know about you but as a mom I defiantly need some strengthening. Most days my middle child is melting down 1 -2 times before 8am and that in itself is exhausting.
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Those moments with Jesus are the life line to our souls and we so easily forget that it’s right there for the taking.
Think back on a time in your life when things were chaotic and stressful. If your journey in motherhood is anything like mine, then you don’t have to look back too far. Now what was something that helped either pull you out of that chaos or comfort you while you sat right in the middle of it?
For me that has always been Jesus. Life can be a complete s**t storm around me but if I choose to walk through it daily with Him I have a peace that is beyond all understanding. (Yes I just cussed, and no I don’t feel bad about it. I love Jesus, but I cuss a little.)
So, what does this have to do with strengthening your marriage?
EVERYTHING! ABSOLUTLY EVERYTHING!
If you don’t have that daily (or as close to daily as you can get) time with God, then how do you expect to strengthen your marriage or navigate the more uncomfortable parts of your relationships?
So now that I’ve got all that off my chest let’s dive into four easy ways to strengthen your marriage.
JESUS, JESUS, & more JESUS!
By now I’m sure you get why Jesus can help strengthen your marriage so no need for me to repeat myself. An easy way to do this is spend just 10 minutes reading your Bible, praying, or spending time in worship every morning. Now you’re first initial reaction is probably, “I’m a mom of X number of kids. I don’t have time for that.” Ok well, let me ask you this. How long did you spend scrolling through Facebook, Instagram, or Pinterest today? Ouch, I know.
REGULAR MONTHLY DATE NIGHT
I love date night! My husband and I have had some of the best times when we go on our date nights. Usually it ends with us dreaming about our future and talking about our dreams and desires for our life together as a family.
Also, I’ll be honest, this is also an area we struggle with. We try so hard to plan a regular date night but haven’t been very successful actually sticking with it. Mainly because it’s hard to find a babysitter for 3 kids that also has availability on the one night we have open, or we have to cancel plans because one of the kids gets sick.
I tell you that because I want you to know that I struggle just like you and we put our marriage to the back burner from time to time as well. We are not perfect in any way, shape, or form, but this is one area we are striving to get better at making a priority.
LEARN YOUR SPOUSES LOVE LANGUAGE
There are 5 love languages and just like the Ennegram test, you have a primary one and then a secondary one. The five areas are physical touch, acts of service, gifts and surprises, words of affirmation, and quality time.
My husband and I have complete opposite love languages. While my primary one is acts of service, his is physical touch. What makes it even harder is our secondary love languages are also completely different. My secondary is words of affirmation while his is quality time.
Knowing your spouse’s love language will let you in on a whole new word of opportunities to show them love. For me I go out of my way to touch him when he walks by me. To me it’s not important, but to him it means the world. With me going out of my way to show him love through his love language helps him to feel loved, respected, and important in the relationship.
It’s not easy at first, but the more you do it the more it will become a habit that you don’t have to think twice about.
To find your love language you can take the FREE TEST HERE!
HAVE MORE SEX
I remember when a friend of mine told me her and her husband had sex 4 or more times a week. I was shocked. We were already one kid in at the time and we maybe had sex once a week, if that. I sat there agreeing with whatever she was saying but not really hearing it. I was too busy going over my unhealthy sex life in my head to even bother to listen to her story.
Shortly after she left I started thinking of ways to strengthen our sex life. One of the things I came across was a wonderful podcast called One Extraordinary Marriage. This podcast is all about sex & marriage. I love it and I know you will too.
Also, I have to be honest again with you, this is also an area we struggle with. Some months or weeks we do good while others are shameful, but we are constantly working hard to make intimacy a regular part of our marriage.
It’s so easy for us to get swept up in our day to day lives and without realizing it we push the most important relationships we have to the back burner. With these four easy tips you will be able to not only strengthen your marriage, but also your walk with God and your relationship with your kids. Just remember spend time with Jesus, have a regular date night, learn (and show) your spouse’s love language, and have more SEX! 😉